There’s a reason why people aim to be fashionably late to the party.
If you show up too early, you get roped into setting up tables or picking up bags of ice from 7-Eleven.
If you show up late late, then everyone is well past “turnt up.”
The 2024 San Francisco 49ers could be that guy showing up to the party with a bottle of Grey Goose when everybody is taking an Uber ride home, and that one friend is splayed out on the couch.
The first half against the Chicago Bears looked like a preseason game with one team’s starters toying with street free agents.
The 49ers amassed a comical yardage disparity of 319 to 4.
A holding call as Brock Purdy strutted into the end zone was the only blemish on the way to a 24-0 halftime lead.
Fans of the team might have had a pit in their stomach after blowing multiple leads this season, but the second half was merely a formality.
This is the way it was supposed to look.
Running backs ripping off chunks of yardage. Receivers wide open. The foghorn going off after yet another touchdown.
Purdy looked like a quarterback primed for a big offseason extension.
Mr. Irrelevant has now defeated five different quarterbacks who were drafted number one overall.
It’s Christmastime, and Santa Kyle was in his bag.
But is it too late?
Probably.
The 49ers need to run the table through a challenging stretch of games, and hope for division rivals to lose in a particular way.
For example, even if the 49ers defeat the Los Angeles Rams on Thursday Night Football, they still need the Rams to lose another game, but their final stretch is at the New York Jets and then the Arizona Cardinals and Seattle Seahawks at home.
If the Rams defeat the fading Jets and Cardinals at SoFi, then the 49ers need the Seahawks to win that week 18 matchup.
But the 49ers also need the Seahawks to lose two other games before the Rams game.
In other words, it’s a shit show.
It’s that friend splayed out on the couch.
Various computer models put the 49ers’ chances of making the playoffs between 4% and 11%.
Even if the 49ers take down a healthy Rams team, they have to go on the road and defeat the Miami Dolphins, who look functional again with Tua Tagovailoa’s brain not sloshing around in his skull.
The next matchup would be against the Detroit Lions on Monday Night Football, and they might be the best team in the NFL this year.
And the Lions surely have not forgotten about the 49ers sending them home in last season’s NFC Championship game.
The playoff outlook is bleak, but inside straights against pocket aces do happen.
Discussions of tanking will have to wait at least one more week.
For now, the 49ers have a chance for a satisfying win against the Rams on Thursday Night Football.
The Rams still have some wiggle room, but the 49ers don’t have any more outs.